Nov 28, 2024
My father did all he could with a mind ravaged by schizophrenia, but I was raised mostly by a single mother, known to others as Lesley. I can’t thank Mum enough - and probably don’t - for the quiet heroism of keeping the show on the road. There were boys and men in the picture, including friends, chess teachers, a difficult stepfather, my wayward brother Mark, and especially my Grandad - my mum’s father, who held the household well. Yet much of my childhood was characterised by lateral support (alloparenting) from aunties. I use that term in the charming way that ‘aunty’ is used in Indian English to refer to older female acquaintances of the family (many were cousins, some were my mum’s friends).
The ambient aunties (a great band title) were just there somehow, with their cars to collect me, their homes to go to, their abundant baked potatoes, their surprise trips to the cinema, their wooden jigsaw puzzles, and their benign curiosity about my life. And now that I think of it, all of my primary school teachers, and most of my secondary school teachers were women. I spent many years in a predominantly male environment in the chess world, and perhaps as a means of balancing that, I have always had female friends. Last but by no means least, I’ve known my wife, Siva, for over half my life. I am rarely sure what I think about something until I’ve asked myself what Siva might think about it too. So when people say that women hold up half the sky, I get it. The only thing I doubt is whether it’s just half.